Blessings Galore

When I was first thinking about what I was thankful for today I was going to say the beautiful fall leaves. Right now the colors are so beautiful. I haven't been able to get out of the house much since I've been so sick the past two months, and I was afraid I had missed the beauty of fall. I had an appointment at the hospital today and as I drove along the mountain road towards the hospital I was in awe at how wonderful everything looked. The sun was shining, the air was crisp, and the leaves were gorgeous. It made my drive into the hospital much more enjoyable and not so focused on the reason I was headed there.

Then this evening I received a call from my doctors office. The results of my last test were in. I was nervous that she was going to tell me the results were normal and I would need to come in for further testing, so when she told me that the results were positive I was momentarily in shock. My heart skipped a beat or two and I became very excited. The Dr. said the results showed I have a very bad bacterial overgrowth in my stomach and intestines. They are going to put me on some strong antibiotics for two weeks and then I'll need to take a pro-biotic for 30 days after that. I am SO happy that they have found the cause of my pain and sickness. It has been two longs months of misery and now there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am so thankful for a wonderful doctor who didn't give up. I am grateful to finally have some answers and a way to treat the problem. There is an end in sight, life will get better!

I feel I have been so very blessed today!

Following Counsel

Today I am very grateful for the blessings that come from following counsel we are given by our Priesthood leaders. Last week at our stake conference one of the counselors in the stake presidency counseled us to make the church website our homepage. This is a very simple thing to do, when I came home from conference and changed my home page I really didn't think it would make that big of a difference. Yet, in the past week I have noticed a big difference. Opening up the internet every day and seeing that website helps me to focus on what's really important. It helps me to prioritize my time on the internet differently. I spend some time reading a quote or an article before I move on to checking my email and facebook. In doing this I have felt closer to the Savior and truly feel like I am putting Him first in my life.

I believe there is great power in doing the small and simple things. I also believe there is power in following the counsel of those who have been called to be our leaders; whether it is coming from the prophet or our home teachers. Our priesthood leaders are there for a reason. I am grateful for them and the inspiration they receive from Heavenly Father.

Gratitude

Last month in General Conference President Thomas S. Monson gave a talk entitled The Divine Gift of Gratitude http://tinyurl.com/22v9ala. As November starts and Thanksgiving approaches I decided this is something I really needed to focus on for a while.

I have been going through a lot lately with my illness and it is really easy to sit around complaining and feeling sorry for myself because of all the things I can't do or am missing out on because of how sick I am. Pres. Monson said this, "When we encounter challenges and problems in our lives it is often difficult for us to focus on our blessings. However, if we reach deep enough and look hard enough, we will be able to feel and recognize just how much we have been given."

So, for the next 30 days I am going to plant a seed of faith and follow the counsel of the prophet. I am going to find something to be thankful for every day. It may be something small or something extremely significant. I am going to reach deep and look hard and then I am going to post what I am thankful for and why. My hope is that through this I will be able to rise about the gloom of my illness and realize the blessings that are all around me.

Halloween

Halloween is an interesting holiday to me. When I was a young and the day was all about dressing up in cute little clown costumes while running around the neighborhood getting candy...then it was fun. However, once I got older and the "fun" of Halloween became haunted houses and spook alleys...I started hating the fact that this day came every year. I am not one that likes to get scared. I don't mind scary movies, in fact as long as I'm not watching them alone I enjoy a good spooker. It is another matter entirely when I am in the spooker. So, unlike the majority of people my age I do not pay money to go get the crud scared out of me for Halloween. I enjoy staying home and passing out treats to all the cute kids who are still young enough to enjoy the good part of Halloween.

This year my cute sister came over and spent Halloween with me. We got glow sticks and turned off all the lights while we watched some Goosbumps movies. They weren't scary for me, but Tara was pretty spooked. There was one about a giant snake that we had to turn off because it was too scary for her. It was fun having someone to celebrate with this year though.

There is one thing about Halloween that is a must for me every year. When I was a kid the thing I remember most was that we always passed out the same treat every year; pumpkin face taffy. My mom would take me out trick-or-treating and since no one was home to pass out treats we left a bucket of them on the front porch. I always loved when we would come home and still have some treats in the bucket on the porch, because that meant I got them. They have always been my favorite Halloween treat and even now it just doesn't seem like Halloween without them. You could take away everything about this holiday; the costumes, the trick-or-treaters, the spook alleys, the decorations, and as long as I still had my pumpkin face taffy it would feel like Halloween no matter what.

Bored?

What do you do when you're bored?

I have been sick for almost two months now and am bored out of my mind. At first I was kind of excited for a break and an excuse to lie around and do nothing for a while. After a little while I felt like I had actually accomplished a lot during my streak of laziness. I watched hulu for hours and got all caught up on TV shows I've missed. Another big priority was staring at Facebook for days on end getting caught up on the drama in the lives of all my friends and family. While doing this I had the awesome idea that if I took all the Facebook status's posted over a week's time, changed names to protect the innocent, and inter-weaved a bit of my own creativity I could write my own soap opera! I spent about a day contemplating that and then decided my time on Facebook would better be spent building fish tanks. I chose to get my drama but catching up on the blogs of those I know...and those whose blogs I randomly stalk...here the stories are much more detailed and interesting than one liners on Facebook.

I have spent time off the computer as well. During my good moments I clean the house...I try to keep those as rare as possible. I have spent as much time possible engrossed in the alternate reality of a good book. Once in a while I have a friend come over and keep me a bit of company. Now, I know you are wondering how I could possibly be bored with all of this going on...but alas, I am. I have resigned myself to putting photos of my friends into silly e-cards and sending them to the aforementioned friends. I'm sure the only result from this is that no one is ever going to let me take their picture again!

So, I'm wondering what do you do when you're bored? Any ideas I have yet to try?

Books, Books, Books

Reading is seriously one of my all time favorite pastimes. I have loved books since the day I learned to read…which was in about kindergarten. I used to read all kinds of Hooked on Phonics books when I was little. In elementary school library day was always my favorite day of the week. For some reason I loved the book, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I used to read it every time we went in for library day. It got to a point where Mrs. Sims, the librarian, would have it sitting there ready for me when my class came to the library. Another one of my favorite times was when the book fair came to town. They would set up these huge files of books in the lobby area outside the school office and sell them for a week or so. I loved browsing through and coming home with a bunch of new books every time.

When you read you get a chance to escape reality and visit places only your imagination can take you. I love to read fictional stories for young readers. I recently finished the Fablehaven series, and I loved the Harry Potter books. Stories like that allow your imagination to open up and really take in the fact that anything is possible.

I love being able to come home at the end of a long day to find a good book waiting for me. There is nothing more relaxing than curling up on the couch with a blanket and a good book. This one may sound funny, but I also love to read while soaking in a tub of warm water…so relaxing!

Every time I read a book that I really love it makes me wish I could write the way these authors do. I would love to write a bestseller some day. Not because I want to be rich and famous, although I wouldn’t mind the rich part, but because I would love to be able to share a story that would touch a reader the way others stories have touched mine. Creative writing is another way of truly opening up the imagination and just letting everything flow. I love that feeling. Life can be so restricting especially the older you get and the more responsible you’re supposed to be. Letting your imagination freely flow takes down all those restrictive barriers and helps you feel like a kid again.

I also love how reading can teach you things. I enjoy reading books with a motivational message to them such as The Hiding Place, Tuesdays with Morrie, or The Peacegiver. They are books that entertain and inspire…the best combination on the planet.

The only bad thing about reading is that sometimes I simply can’t find the time to do it. I get so caught up in the day to day things and other forms of media and entertainment that I let the precious quiet time of reading slip away from me. I need to be better at this. I need to make time for reading instead of waiting for it to find me. There are millions of good books out there, but unless I make time to read one I’m never going to get time to read them all! This is why I am taking advantage of this time being sick and reading as much as I can. Every now and then the Lortab in my system makes the words start spiraling off the page and I have to take a break and watch TV or sleep, but I am getting in some good reading.

So...tell me what are some of your favorite books? What is on your nightstand right now? What book should I read next?

Not A Hundred Percent

Man, the last few weeks have been pretty harsh. The word sick can't even begin to describe how I've been feeling. It all started about a month ago, I got these really sharp pains in my chest. At first I just ignored them and they kind of went away, but about a week later the throbbing pain came back. This time it was worse. I felt as though an elephant was sitting on my chest sticking a knife in and out of my heart.

I've had so many tests run on my heart in the past that I really didn't think that was the problem, but when you have sharp, stabbing, chest pain radiating throughout your chest cavity and down your arm you start to get suspicious. Instead of running to the ER in a panic only to receive the most likely response that my heart was fine, I decided to wait it out a bit.

I've always been one to have poor health and have missed out on much of life because I've been stuck home in bed. I have worked hard to change that the past few years, even when I'm not feeling well I do my best to push through and get out. I figure I'm going to be sick whether I'm home in bed or out and about, so I might as well go out and try to have some fun. It was with this frame of mind that I attended a ward overnighter the weekend of Sept 10-11. I was in a lot of pain and wasn't able to play all the games everyone else did, but it was good to be around friends and I did have a good time. However, about 5:00 in the morning I awoke with an intense, pulsating, pain in my chest. Everyone was still asleep so I silently laid there praying it would go away while tears streamed down my face. Shortly after other people got up and set about getting breakfast ready, I pulled Bishop Shaffer aside and told him I was not doing well and needed to get home. The problem was that I had driven up a car full of girls that would need a ride home. He helped me work it out so everyone had a ride and I could leave.

The first thing I did when I arrived home was take a Lortab for the pain. I laid down and tried to rest hoping the pill would kick in and relieve the pain. When it wasn't any better after an hour, I decided it was time to go to the doctor. I called a friend up and asked for a ride to the instacare. At the clinic they ran an EKG as well as a chest x-ray, and like I'd expected it all came back normal. The doctor gave me a few different prescriptions for pain, muscle spasm, and inflammation. He also gave me a shot that helped ease the pain for the moment.

That night I decided I needed a different kind of help. I called my friend Melinda and asked if her dad would give me a blessing. They gladly came over and helped me out with a few things around the house and he administered the blessing. I was really grateful for that. I know that no one can help me more than the Lord can. That blessing was something I really needed both for my physical health and for emotional support and strength.

Four days later I was still fighting the pain, but doing my best to deal with it. I was working with my uncle and shortly after eating lunch the pain intensified and I literally felt like I was going to die. The doctor at the clinic had told me that if it got worse I should go to the ER. I got on the phone and started texting my friends to see who would be available to give me a ride to the hospital.

As I finished out the day with my uncle he started telling me that my aunt and felt bad chest pain when she was pregnant with Savannah and they had told her it was caused by her gallbladder. Once she had it removed her pains stopped. I called my mom to tell her I was going to the ER after work and also told her what my uncle had said. She then informed me that gallbladder disease does run in our family. Apparently my father along with several of his relatives had to have theirs removed. It caused them all a significant amount of pain and although doctors couldn't find anything wrong with them through testing, once they went in to remove the gallbladder they found it extremely diseased and everyone felt better once they had it out. Good information to know!

At the ER I informed the doctor of my history, both my heart history and my recently discovered gallbladder family history. He ran a bunch of tests including blood work, EKG's, and more x-ray's. Once again he found nothing wrong...story of my life. He sent me home with another prescription and told me to follow up with my primary care doctor.

By this time I'm starting to get frustrated. The pain is increasingly getting worse and spreading. It now starts just under my ribcage on the right side, runs up my sternum, and over into the left of my chest cavity. However, I thought that maybe I just haven't given it enough time to heal on it's own...whatever it is. I waited a few more days before I called my doctor, but nothing changed. On Monday I saw my primary doctor. I rehearsed the story of my pain and everything the other doctors had said. Thankfully he took me a little more serious when I told him about the family history of gallbladder disease. He performed his own evaluation and decided he agreed that it could be the gallbladder causing the problems. He sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound to look for gallstones, and once again the test came back normal.

So here I am, I've been in agony for almost a month and no one knows what to do about it. The doctor is sending me in for another test on my gallbladder the beginning of next week. I am praying this test will show something and they can take care of it quickly. I am getting very run down by having been so ill for so long. I still do my best to get out and enjoy life, but it is getting harder and harder. My body is weak and all I feel like doing is lying down. I am getting pretty drained emotionally as well. The frustrations of being sick and no one knowing why can be quite depressing. I don't like not having the strength and energy I need to live life the way I would like to. I am doing my best to manage the pain with the medication they've given me, but the meds also make me a bit sick and I just don't feel like myself. It's difficult to say the least.

I'm sorry this post was so long, I tend to ramble when I'm on drugs. If you stuck it out and read this whole thing maybe you could do one more thing for me...say a prayer. I don't know how much longer I can carry the weight of this pain, I need all the help I can get.

Thank you and I love you!