Looking Forward

This is a time of year where many people start looking forward as they set goals for things they want to accomplish, and changes they want to make. I do this as well to an extent. I plan goals and imagine what I would like my life to be like a year from now. However, at this point is is easy for me to stop, turn around, and look back at where I've been and where I am right now. I know the things I want to change and accomplish but I inadvertently end up allowing the past to rule my future. I let the mistakes and failures of my past tell me that I won't be able to make the changes I wish to make in the days ahead. Once this thought is placed in my mind I lose my gusto to start any new goals.

This is where I have to take the time to get on my knees and pour my sorrow and frustration out to the Lord. I know that on my own I probably will not be able to change the things I'd like to change...but...with the Lord by my side I can do ANYTHING!

In order to make sure I have the Lord's guiding hand in all I do I know I must always do the basics. I must study my scriptures daily, pray daily, serve others, attend my meetings, etc. If I don't exercise my faith in Him then His hands are tied and He can not bless me the way I need Him to. He stands ready and waiting for me to come to him. It's all up to me, it's all my choice.

Here's to a great New Year!

The Ending of a Year

Even though we are all probably still writing 2011 down when we have to date something and may do so for another week or two, the year 2011 is officially over. I sat down earlier today to just ponder and reflect on what 2011 brought to my life. I hope you don't mind if I start of the first post of the new year by taking a little trip down memory lane...

I had a lot of fun times in 2011, crossed a few things off my bucket list, and made a bunch of awesome memories. Here are some of the things I did this past year:

1. Spent an awesome night with my brother going to dinner and then going to see Brian Regan perform live. It was epic!
2. I was able to go with my sister when she received her patriarchal blessing. What an amazing experience that was! She has such a strong spirit and is so loved by her Heavenly Father. I am very lucky to have her as my sister and best friend.
3. I was given a new calling that was fun but also stretched me to my limits. I learned that it's not as easy to plan ward activities as it may seem. I also learned that the Lord gives us callings to help us grow and develop not because we are perfect at the task he's asking us to do.
4. I yelled at an ER worker at Ogden Regional Hospital when they wouldn't let me in to see my sister who had just been brought in by ambulance after falling and breaking her ankle. I'm usually not the aggressive type but when you come between me and my family the claws come out and I will do whatever it takes to take care of my family. It was actually kind of fun, and taught me that the "stand up to anyone, no matter what" part of me is in there when I need it.
5. Stayed at my mom's house to help my sister with her broken ankle. Despite the difficult situation we all had a lot of fun together. I even discovered I have a hidden talent! It is probably one that will stay hidden except to family and very close friends. haha!
6. I went cliff jumping for the first time this summer. I know with my health jumping off cliffs probably isn't the smartest thing I've ever done, but I really wanted to do it. Now, I can cross that off my bucket list! It was an exhilarating experience. Scary and fun all at the same time. In doing this I learned a little bit more about overcoming my fears and jumping into life with all I have. I also learned the power of friends. The first time I jumped I was quite nervous but a good friend of mine stepped up and jumped with me. She didn't come up and push me off, or tease me until I jumped out of spite. She simply stepped forward as a support helping me to do it on my own. I love her for that.
7. I got to go on a small vacation to St. George to see a few plays at the Tuachan and spend some quality time with my mom and sister. We had such a great time! It was the perfect end to a less than ideal summer.
8. I had the opportunity to volunteer with an amazing organization for teen girls called The Ivy Girl Academy. It was a wonderful event and I know it blessed the lives of the girls that were there as well as my own. I hope to be able to work with this wonderful organization again. PS. If you have teen girls and live in Utah, Idaho, or Arizona check out this link and get your girls involved in this program... http://www.ivygirlacademy.com/
9. I was able to meet three wonderful Aussie women and attend a Time Out For Women event with them. It was great fun and very spiritually uplifting.
10. I developed a few new obsessions such as Pinterest, One Tree Hill, and Swagbucks.

Life is a bumpy road and the past year had plenty of up's and down's. As I look back though, I am just as grateful for the nights I stayed up all night laughing my head off, as I am the nights I cried myself to sleep because life was just too hard. Each of those moments brought something into my life. They brought joy and growth. I learned how wonderful it feels to let go of the stress and have fun. I also learned that I am stronger than I thought I was. I can do hard things.

Now I look ahead to 2012 and wonder what is in store. I wonder how many times my heart will break and how many times it will smile. I wonder what grand adventures are in store for me and those I love. I wonder what new memories I will make and treasure for the rest of my life. I look forward to whatever is headed my way; to the good times I smile in anticipation, to the bad times I say "Bring it on!"

I hope you all have a wonderful year ahead of you as well!

What Comes Next?

We all know that after Halloween comes Thanksgiving and then Christmas. We know that after Fall comes Winter and then Spring. We all know that rainbows come after rain and night comes after day. But what happens when you're not sure what comes next?

I sat down one day and took a long hard look at my life, and realized that it was not the life I wanted to be living. I noticed how my focus had shifted from things that were making me a better person to things that weren't. I'm not saying that I was focused on things that were turning me into an evil person by any means, but they were taking me down pathways that were not where I wanted my life to be. I noticed that I was spending a lot of time dwelling on things that needed to be forgotten and forgetting things that I desperately needed to remember. I decided that it was time to change.

Since making the decision to change, my life has turned into a whirlwind of chaos. It seems like there are monsters lurking at every corner and when I try and turn a new direction one jumps out and scares me out of my socks! I start to wonder if I really am making good changes. Is this really what I should be doing? Are these really the best decisions I could be making? Are they really going to lead me where I want to go?

Setting off on a new path is scary and challenging. Making changes is always hard and when you are changing bad behaviors into good ones Satan comes out with his arsenal, doing everything he can to make you stop. There are days when I ask God if he sees the upside down of my life? I ask straight out why He would give me things that seem impossible to balance. I tell Him that I want easy and that I'm tired of fighting the battle. Then I sit and quietly listen. In the stillness of that moment I feel him assure me that I'm on the right path and hear Him whisper, "Don't give up".

I've packed my bags and set out on a journey. I'm putting one foot in front of the other and pushing past any monsters that may be lurking about. I'm not sure what comes next. I don't know exactly where this will lead me. I only know that answers come after prayer, blessings come after trials of our faith, and peace comes after doing what you know is right.

See Past What It Seems

Today I'm not really going to write the blog post I want you to read. Instead I'm going to ask that you read a different blog post. I read this today and knew that I had to share it. While we all have our own life experiences and all go through different things I know we can all relate to the story shared in this post. I personally have been on both sides of this story and am sure that I'm not the only one. My hope is that it will touch you as much as it touched me and we can all be a little bit better because of it. So go here http://bravegirlsclub.com/archives/2151 and read the post, but try not to just read it...try to really let it in and let it become a part of who you are. I know that is what I'm working on doing today.

My Life After Facebook

Facebook can be a wonderful thing, It is a place where people connect and reconnect. They catch up with old friends, make new friends, share photos and update people on all the wonderful things going on in their lives on a daily basis. However, for many people Facebook also has a dark side. I am one of those people. I am very prone to "Facebook depression", and it was getting to the point that I just couldn't take it anymore this is why I made the decision to delete my account. I did not make this decision lightly. I knew that I would miss out on a lot if I went through with this, but deep down I knew that it was the right decision.

Since deleting my account a week or so ago life has been a little bit different. I knew facebook took up a lot of my time, but I didn't realize how much until it wasn't there anymore. I have had so much free time lately that it's scary! It has been wonderful though! I have developed a new obsession with the website Pinterest, so that takes some of the time facebook used to. I do not spend nearly as much time there though as I did with facebook and have been able to make some good use of this extra time. My house is much cleaner, I get more things done in a single day, and interestingly enough I have a little more energy than I used to.

I would be lying if I said leaving facebook has been all good. I do miss the association that I had with friends and family on facebook. I miss knowing what my friends around the world are doing. I miss knowing when everyone's birthday is. However, I would also be lying if I said that leaving facebook and all the good aspects of it behind wasn't worth it. I may not know what people are doing in their lives, but that's ok because it means I don't know what I'm being left out of. I may not see all the cute photos posted of friends and their spouses and kids, but that's ok because it means I don't get depressed when I realize that they are living the life I wish I had. I may not get to fb chat with friends or comment on their status updates, but it's ok because I can pick up a phone and have a real conversation with those who are real friends in life and it means so much more.

Life does go on after Facebook, and it's a good life!

Life Doesn't Stop

This picture is a brief description of how I felt most of last week. It started with a slight fever and took a turn for the worse when a bad case of viral vertigo kicked in. I literally could not stand up straight for an entire day. Even the slightest movement in my sleep would wake me up with feelings of motion sickness. A good friend came and helped me to the doctor who gave me a wondrous shot and some heavenly pills to make all the dizziness go away. While there the doctor checked my ears for signs of infection that could be causing the vertigo, but found them to be perfectly fine. The next day however, I woke up with an extremely bad ear ache. The vertigo was slightly better, but the pain in my ear was torture. I went back in to the doc and this time upon checking my ears was told that I had an extremely bad ear infection. The doctors exact words were, "That is the ugliest ear infection I've seen in a long time." My response was, "Awesome" with a slight roll of my eyes...only because a full eye roll would have made me way too dizzy! He sent me home with instructions to start on antibiotics right away. The pressure in my ear was so much that when I tried to blow my nose the following day I felt a surge of pain, heard a high pitched screeching sound, and lots of popping. My ear drum had burst. A minute or two went by where the pain actually eased up a bit from the pressure releasing and draining a bit, but soon the vertigo and pain kicked back in with full force. I finally called my home teacher and asked for a blessing. I am super grateful for the power of the priesthood and those worthy and willing to use that power on my behalf. Since then I have been slowly getting a little better each day. I still have a constant ringing in my ear and waves of vertigo when the dizzy pills wear off, but the way I feel now compared to a week ago is incredible.

Life doesn't stop when you get sick. As this infection was raging in my ear I still had homework to do, appointments to attend, groceries to buy, a house to clean, and an activity to plan. Did I feel like doing any of it? Absolutely not! Wait, that deserves an extra exclamation mark. Absolutely not!! All I felt up to doing was lying on the couch snuggled up in a blanket watching I Love Lucy reruns. My super awesome mom came to my rescue one day as she brought me lunch, did my dishes, and went grocery shopping for me. After that I tried to push through the pain and do the rest of the items on my lengthy to do list the best I could.

We all have days when we don't feel like doing the things that need to be done, but we do them anyway and that is what makes us great. It is when we push through the pain that we truly accomplish something. We give up what we want in the moment, but we gain so much more in the end. This week I found myself doing things I wouldn't normally do. I reached out to others and asked for help (I'm normally really bad at that). I delegated responsibilities and didn't try to do everything myself. I grew stronger as a person because life didn't stop when I got sick.

Priorities

As always listening to General Conference this weekend has given me a lot to think about. I love conference for this very reason! Every six months I get the opportunity to sit back and really think about what I'm doing with my life, where I'm headed, and what I need to work on.

While I have a lot of items on my "need to work on" list, one that has really been sticking out in my mind is how I use my time. I've been spending a lot of time lately pondering on what I want in life and what I need to do in order to achieve it. Since conference I've really given myself a kick in the butt as I've reviewed my life's priorities. I have a list of how my priorities are numbered out in my head but as I look at how I spend my time my actions don't coincide with what's in my head. In short...I've gotten lazy! This needs to change BIG time!

When I first came to this realization I tried justifying my actions because of this really good excuse and that absolutely perfect excuse, but then I looked at the date of my last blog post and knew I was in trouble. July?!? Seriously?!? For an aspiring writer and professional thinker...that is just unacceptable! Ugh! I can't believe I allowed myself to get so far behind!

I believe in change and I have some big changes to make, however, I also believe in baby steps. Changes that last usually don't occur over night. I know keeping up with this blog is not my number one priority, but it is on the list because if I'm keeping up with this then that means I'm also working on something else that is much higher on my list. So, baby step number one for me is to get back in the habit of blogging no less than once a week...but hopefully more often than that!

I am so grateful for conference and for living prophets and apostles who help me to get my life back on track!

THE CHURCH IS TRUE!