Leap of Faith

Have you ever done something that you were scared out of your mind to do, but you knew it was what needed to be done so you did it anyway?

Tomorrow I'm doing something that I am petrified about. I REALLY don't want to do it. Every time I think about what I'm going to do I start to cry and get this awful pit in my stomach because I am scared to death to take this step. However, I've spent a lot of time over the past few days talking to my mom, bishop, and a few close friends about the pro's and con's of the situation and getting their input. I then took everything that everyone told me and my own gut feelings and I went vertical. I got on my knees and poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father. I begged Him to help me know what the right decision was, and I really feel like this is it.

Today at church someone said that when you take a leap of faith it will all work out in the end. I am stepping out of my comfort zone and taking a huge leap of faith. I am going into this putting my heart completely in God's hands. I know that the ONLY way I am going to make it through this is by trusting in Him and the love that He has for me. I'm not sure how it is going to work out, but I have promised Him I will do my best and pray that He will support me through the rest.

I recently read a quote that said, "Courage can't see around corners, but it goes around them anyway." Mignon Mclaughlin I would replace the word courage with faith. I can't see around the bend and don't know what is going to happen over the course of the next week or so, but I am making that turn anyway because things that don't change stay the same and I am in need of some serious change in my life.

If you read this, please keep me in your prayers and when I can I'll let you know how it all turned out.

Luvs & Hugs

Sleep

"Without enough sleep, we all become tall two-year-olds. "~JoJo Jensen, Dirt Farmer Wisdom, 2002

Sleep is such a wondrous thing. Sleep and I used to be the very best of friends. We would get together every night and go on wonderful adventures together. When I was little we would go to the moon, as I grew up a bit we started hanging out with cute celebrities, and then we started traveling a lot. We have been to Jamaica, Italy, Paris, and Africa. My favorite trip was when we used to visit the ocean and play with the dolphins; we did that quite often.

A few weeks ago things started to change. Sleep and I had some disagreements. At first he wanted me to hang out longer than I could and would get kind of upset at me when I would actually wake up to the alarm clock instead of just hitting snooze. I felt bad and I tried going to sleep earlier hoping this would make up for it, but sleep wasn't very forgiving and ran away. Now I can't find sleep anywhere.

I have checked under my covers every night, sometimes I check the couch, I have even tried to sneak up on him and find him in the middle of the afternoon, but he's no where to be found. I thought he might be coming back to me earlier today as I was stopped at a very long red light, but before I could welcome him back the light turned green and he left again.

I just wish my dear friend could see how much I miss him. I am not has happy and energetic as I used to be. I don't have him around to keep me from being cranky and irritable. My eyes are red and have dark circles under them from staying awake searching for him all night. I sure do hope my friend forgives me and comes back soon; until then I'll keep searching, keep turning off lights and counting the sheep waiting for him to return.

Bugged

Do you ever have days where you're just bugged? Today I am bugged. I'm bugged because of people and situations in my life. I'm bugged because of things that have happened recently and things that haven't. All in all I am bugged because of the actions of others. Why do I do this? Why do I get so down on myself because of the actions of other people?

I realize that there is something in all of us that wants to be loved and liked by others and when we get our feelings hurt we have a tendency to get down on ourselves. I for one am terrible at this. I get my feelings hurt and then I start telling myself that it must be because I'm a bad friend, a loser, not fun to be around, or too sickly to be around. I allow the action of someone else to send me into a downward spiral of negative thoughts about myself.

I don't want to do this anymore. I know this comes from the natural man part of me and I need to rely more on the spiritual part of me. I know that I am a daughter of God. I am a divine being. I have a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother that think the world of me. They love me more than my mortal mind will ever be able to understand. They love me with an unconditional love. It does not matter to them if I tell a stupid joke, have a bad hair day, pass out at church, or do any number of lame things.

The truth of the matter is that nothing anyone else says or does should make any difference in my life because the only person who really matters is Heavenly Father and I already know how He feels about me.

I hope that as I spend the rest of the day contemplating the vast amount of love He has for me this feeling of being bugged will leave me and I'll be at peace with my life and who I am.

Blessings in Disguise

Life is hard. I have been going through some things lately that have really got me down. I go through a lot of things that I wish I didn't have to, as I'm sure we all do. Right now I'm in a depressed state that I just can't seem to pull myself out of. All I want to do is lay around in my pj's watching TV and eating junk food. I've been in this slump for a few days and will most likely not be out of it by tomorrow, but I am slowly coming out of it.

I have been challenged by my stake president to read the Book of Mormon with the specific goal to find all the references to the Savior. In doing this I've found a lot of things I'd never noticed in any of my readings before. I've noticed similarities between my personality and that of Nephi. I've read certain verses as if the Lord were speaking directly to me. I've been humbled as I do so and have begun to feel a peace come into my heart through this challenge. It's still very small and I know I still have a lot of reading, praying, pondering, and growing to do; however, I know I am on the right track.

I first heard this song a few months ago, but it has been on my mind a lot the last few days. What if blessings really do come through raindrops? Healing through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights really is what it takes to come to know the Savior is near us? I'm not sure how many sleepless nights I have had lately or just how many tears I've cried, but I do know that my Savior is here by my side. This knowledge grows with each difficult moment that He helps me through. I may not like my trials and I may wish I didn't have to go through them, but they are blessings in disguise bringing me closer to the Lord.