Saturday, July 30, 2011

Full Speed Ahead

It amazes me how fast life can change. A month ago I was living at home, keeping busy with church callings, writing, and other various projects. My schedule wasn't jam packed and I had plenty of time to hang out with friends and family as well. I was content and happy with my day to day routines.

Then on July 9th My mom, sister, and I were walking out of Target during one of those random summer rainstorms. Tara slipped on the paint marking the end of the sidewalk and beginning of the pavement. She immediately started screaming while my mom and I went into adrenaline rush mode trying to help her. When she slipped her legs practically did the splits, her right leg was twisted behind her and I bent down to swing it around so both legs were in front of her. The second I slipped her ankle into my hand I knew we were in trouble. I could literally feel it swelling up in my hand and I knew it was broken. Needless to say we ended up calling 911 and a while later the doctors confirmed I was right. They told us she had a spiral fracture in her ankle and put her in a boot with instructions to follow-up with an orthopedic.

We didn't get home from the hospital until pretty late, so I stayed at my mom's that night and got up early to head home and get ready for church. After church I packed up the majority of my house and moved back home to help take care of Tara. I have been here ever since. Tara is doing better and this week started to actually walk without the use of her walker. However, she is still in a fair amount of pain and needs a lot of help. I estimate I will probably be here until the middle or end of August.

Life for me has changed dramatically since the beginning of the month and it all happened in one split second. There are many days I sit and watch Tara crying in pain, or listen to her talk about how badly she just wants to walk and dance, and I wish I could rewind life and warn her not to step on the paint or hold on to her tighter so she didn't fall; I just want to change that one second in time. However, God did not design life this way. Life comes at us in full speed and there is no looking back.

I know we are often told not to ask the "why" questions. Why did this happen? Why Tara of all people? Yet, I've never been very good at following that counsel. I have a curious mind and so I wonder why, but as I've thought through the "why" questions I've learned a few things. These lessons are not necessarily the answers to my questions, but they are things I needed to see.

Yes, I wish I could take away all the pain and sadness my sister is experiencing. Yes, I wish I could be home sleeping in my own bed. Yes, I wish I had more time on my hands to write, hang out with friends, and do my own thing...BUT I love the time I have now to spend with Tara. I love having "arts and crafts" day with her. I love that we eat lunch and watch a movie together every single day. I love having coloring contests and telling jokes all afternoon. My favorite time of the day is lying next to her at night reading her bedtime stories.

So, what are the lessons here? God has a purpose and a plan for everything. Life is fragile; don't take one second for granted. Don't look at change as a bad thing, just a new thing. Take time to open your eyes to what's really important in life, before it's too late. Smile, no matter what you're going through. There really is a silver lining to every dark cloud. Stop looking back wishing you could change the past and move forward full speed ahead.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Stitch by Stitch

I apologize that it has been such a long time since I've written anything here. Summertime came in full bloom this past month and I've been pretty busy spending time with family and other things. Although I haven't spent much time writing I have spent a lot of time thinking and contemplating where my life is headed. I am working on some new little self-improvement projects that I'm pretty excited about. My life is ready for some positive changes.

The more I think on the changes I'd like to make and certain weaknesses that I'd like to turn into strengths, the more I recognize how much I need my Heavenly Father. I love this song and have declared it as my anthem as I turn to Heavenly Father and hand him all of my broken pieces. I'm at a point in my life where I am really opening my heart up and asking him to heal me. For a long time there have been several pieces that I have been holding on to, unwilling to give them to God. I somehow thought that I could fix it myself. The only thing I've learned from this is that Heavenly Father is really the only one who can put the broken parts of my life back to together. He knows exactly where each piece fits and the right kind of thread to use to bind it in place. Sometimes I think that there are pieces of my life that are beyond repair, but the truth is that Heavenly Father can fix anything; no life is ever too broken for him. I'm not sure how things are going to turn out; I don't know what the future holds. The one thing I do know is that handing all of my broken pieces to God is the best decision I can make right now, so that is what I'm going to do. Doing this doesn't mean I'm going to wake up tomorrow feeling like a new person, changes like this take time. However, I do know that only God can make me whole again and over time he will take my broken pieces and put me together again stitch by stitch.