Wierd vs. Quirky

"I'm weird."
"Nooooo...you're quirky. Quirky and weird are...two very different things."
--Runaway Bride

I have officially decided I'm quirky! It's not that I am quirky on purpose mind you, it just happened one day out of the blue...I was walking around in a perfectly happy state of normalcy when all of a sudden WHAM I get hit by a huge wave of quirkiness and it has stuck with me ever since.

One way I am quirky is in regards to my obsessive compulsiveness. I have several friends who refer to me as Monkette sister of the obsessive compulsive detective Monk. It is also very fitting that I received a season of Monk on dvd for Christmas. I have been paying closer attention to this recently and have come up with the following list of quirky things I do:

--I like things to be closed. When I walk into a room with cupboards or drawers open I will always close them before I do anything else.

--I hate dirty white boards/chalk boards. Whenever I am in a class and the teacher only erases part of a word or leaves even a tiny speck of marker/chalk it takes all my willpower to keep me in my seat...all I want to do is walk up and erase it for them.

--I have issues with the following numbers: 6, 16, 21, 35, 41, and 45. I have no idea why, but I really don't like these numbers. I'll do just about everything to avoid using these numbers.

--When I go to bed I always have to lay on my right side first.

--It drives me nuts when a light is left on in a room that is empty.

Well, I have decided to embrace my quirkiness...and whether you be weird or quirky I think you should do the same! Repeat after me: "I glory in my eccentricities! I am proud of my strangeness! I am ME!" Doesn't that feel great!!

Comedians

Ok, I just have to say I love Brian Regan! He is my all-time favorite comedian! He manages to key into the everyday occurrences and point out how they are actually hilarious. I think just about anybody can relate to his jokes. He is also one of the few comedians who offer good, clean humor...not all like all the other crude, racial, or religious slurs you hear out there.

Because of my experience with my health problems I love the routines where he talks about going to the doctor or emergency room. Here is one such clip:



haha!! Yeah, love that right there!

Christmas Get To Know You

Ok, a lot of people have sent this to my email and rather than respond to each one I am just going to post my answers here.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I am ALL about gift bags! When I try to wrap gifts they end up looking like a 4 year old did it...come to think of it a 4 year old would probably do better!

2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial. Real trees are nice, they make the house smell nice and piney, but they are also a mess. I know a lot of families get a real tree so they can have the 'picking out the tree' tradition, but I really like the 'putting up the tree' tradition my family has..so artificial it is!

3. When do you put up the tree? The weekend after Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down? I leave it up as long as possible. If it were up to me I might even leave it up all year!

5. Do you like eggnog? Yes! Especially Cream of Weber Eggnog...mmm...might go get me some right now...hehe

6. Favorite gift received as a child? I don't know that I really had one particular favorite. I did receive some pretty awesome gifts as a kid though. I remember one year I got some Ninja Turtle pajamas...man were they cool! I put them on and ran over to my friends house to show her! LOL I also recall the year I got a New Kids on the Block backpack with matching lunch box. I really thought I was hot stuff then! Aww..man...the memories!

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, we actually have three. Our big fancy one is in the TV room, in the living room we have a little porcelain one, and in my room I have one of just Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus..it's actually one I made out of ceramics several years ago. Oh yeah I also have a snowglobe nativity scene in my room!

8. Hardest person to buy for? This year it was my brother. He is the kind of guy that if he wants something he buys it so it is very difficult to find something he would like that he doesn't already have.

9. Easiest person to buy for? My sister. She gives us her Christmas list about a month in advance!! Man..I love her!

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? I do a little bit of both. I like to send snail mail cards though, mainly because I love getting mail and so I think other people will to! I am not very good at sending the cards out either way though, I usually send out Thanksgiving cards instead. Just another way in which I'm a bit strange!

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Pretty much whatever my Grandma gives me every year. It is usually something she found randomly lying around her house. Most of the time it is either already broken or just extremely pointless.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? mm.. I really love Mr. Krueger's Christmas! Oh and It's a Wonderful Life. I watch them both at least once every Christmas season.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I don't know, just sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas! hehe

14. Ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes, I have! In fact, I've already done it once this year and it's not even Christmas yet!! Am I bad?? It's the thought that counts right?

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Hot Chocolate

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colors are fun and pretty, but I think the clear lights are better. They give the feeling of peace and to me that means Christmas.

17. Favorite Christmas song? Away in a Manger and 2nd would be Mary, Did You Know.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? I stay here, I have no where else to go.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Absolutely! Aww...man...Now I'm singing in my head!

20. An angel on the tree top or a star? Gotta be an Angel.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? We usually open one gift on Christmas Eve just before bed...the rest are opened Christmas morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? The fact that it is always freezing cold!!!

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? We kind of have a theme of red and white...I love it...not sure I'd call it my favorite though...don't really have a favorite.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? My family to be happy and me to be healthy.

There, now do you all feel like you know me better??

Warm and Fuzzy Weekend

I had a great weekend. Friday night I was able to go to the Institute Christmas Show!! It was so great! I'll admit it made me miss the days I used to be in the show, but it was great to see it from the perspective of the audience as well. The title of the show this year was "Witnesses of His Birth" They talked about the ways that all things are witnesses of the Savior, but how we need to be witnesses as well. It was awesome. I really felt the spirit as the choir sang, "Candlelight Carol", and "Who Would Imagine a King". After the show I got to see many people I had not seen for a very long time. It was so much fun to visit with them! I have not been to Institute in over a year, and miss it more than you could ever know!! I was pretty sick that night though, I was basically in "fake it til ya make it" mode all night. I wanted to be there so badly, but forcing myself to go even as sick as I was took it's toll on my body. I came home and pretty much collapsed. I have to say that it was worth it though!!

Today, I was able to make it to my ward's sacrament meeting. Wow! I felt the spirit so strong there today. It's amazing to me the difference between taking the sacrament in my living room and taking it during sacrament meeting. I can't wait til I get better and can go to sacrament meeting every week!! The spirit just overwhelmed me as I sat there, I pretty much just cried all through the sacrament and the musical number!! I LOVE church!! I also got to meet my bishop for the first time today. I had talked with him over the phone, but today was the first time we met face to face. I have a meeting with him on Tuesday night so we'll get to chat more there, but it was still nice to finally meet him.

Now, I am just sitting her listening to some wonderful church music and wishing every day could be like today!

I was Tagged!

Here are the rules:
A. Each player lists 6 facts about themselves that nobody knows.

B. At the end of the post, the player then tags 6 people and posts their names, then go to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

1. I had my 20th birthday party at a mortuary. My cousin and her hubby were actually living in an apartment above the mortuary and they threw me a surprise party for my birthday. It's fun to tell people though.

2. Ok, here is one I very rarely admit to anyone! When I was three I used to take Cheetos and dip them in the toilet and then eat them. Yuck! I know...I was a very confused child!

3. When I was 6 months old my parents took me to zoo in South Dakota. While we were in the reptile area a guy was walking around with a 7ft Python around his shoulders allowing people to get an up close look at it, pet it..etc. Well, when I saw it I didn't quite "pet" it...I grabbed it's neck with both hands and squeezed as hard as I could. My mom started freaking out thinking the snake was going to bite me, and the zoo keeper dude started freaking out thinking I was going to choke his snake. As I said...I was kind of a confused child..either that or it's proof that I've NEVER liked snakes!

4. In second grade I won first place in a Literature Reflections Contest. I wrote a story about my sister and how I was proud to be the sister of a Down Syndrome child.

5. I'm very obsessive-compulsive.

6. I'm 26 years old and I'm still afraid of the dark!

Now...I don't think I know 6 people I could tag that haven't already been tagged...Let's see...I'll tag: Rob and Kristen, and then make sure SunnyPants knows she is tagged cuz I'd love to see her list!

Basketball and Football

I am in such a sports mood today! I think it is because of the two recent wins for my teams. Last night the Utah Jazz had an awesome win over the Hornets with a final score of 99-71. This made 6 consecutive home wins for the Jazz. My boys had some great plays last night too! It was so much fun to watch!! It made me want to go to a game SO bad!! Now, let's just hope that we can keep it up and come away with a win when we play Detroit tomorrow. I've got my cheering voice ready! Then today was the infamous BYU vs Utah game. I am proud to report that BYU won again!! Wahoo!! It was a close one, but I knew my boys could do it! Once again there were some great plays and I had a good time watching the game. All in all it's been a great sports weekend thus far!

Best Thanksgiving Ever!!

I have to say that this year was the best Thanksgiving I have ever had. A good friend of our family has been really sick for the past several months. She is now confined to a chair in her home. She has two kids a 17 year old and a 30 year old who has down syndrome. Anyway...we went over to thier house and cooked Thanksgiving for them. It was great! After we called them and asked if we could do this for them they were so excited. They said they were not even looking forward to the holiday. It wasn't going to be any different for them than any other day of the year. The day went perfectly! We arrived at thier home about ten and my mom and I started on the cooking. We then played a game while we waited for things to cook. Afterward we had a fabulous meal (and I'm not saying that just cuz I cooked it). We visited and talked about all the things we had to be thankful for. Following dinner my mom, brother, and I cleaned everything up. Then we played more games, watched the movie "The Ultimate Gift" (if you haven't seen that movie I HIGHLY reccommend it...one of my all-time favorites!!), and visited more. At one point my mom pulled our friends husband aside and asked if we were staying too long and wearing her out to let us know and we would leave. His response was that we were fine to stay, and that he had not seen his wife this happy in a long time. Later, as we were leaving she stopped us and with tears in her eyes said, "If we were to list what we are thankful for now, I would say I am thankful for this day" It was tender!! Oh yeah, and we sneakily, left them all of the leftovers!! On the way home my family and I discussed how much fun we had and how warm and fuzzy we all felt inside. We thanked each other for sacrificing a little bit of their "normal" holiday traditions to spend time with this other family. Yet, none of us felt as though it was a sacrifice at all, we all agreed it was the best Thanksgiving we had ever had!

Musicals

Ok, I LOVE musicals!! I can't get enough of them. Someone once asked me what my favorite musical was and I really couldn't name one. I like them all! Here is a list of some of my favorites though: (in no particular order)

1. Suessical the Musical
2. Aida
3. Wicked
4. Titanic the Musical
5. Beauty and the Beast
6. You're A Good Man Charlie Brown
7. Les Miserables
8. Hairspray

I think the thing I really like about them is that most of them are about people going about thier daily activities and then...all of a sudden...they break into song!! I wish my life were a musical, so I could be walking down the street and suddenly break out into a spiffy little song and dance routine and not have people wondering where I hid the straight-jacket!

Right now, I'm listening to the soundtrack to Wicked. It's a fun one! Here is a clip from the musical.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dPuKNECBmQ&feature=related

Enjoy!!

Non-Epileptic Spells

Ever since coming back from Mayo Clinic, I've spent some time researching my diagnosis on the internet. I found this to be some interesting info and thought I would share it for any of you who may be interested as well.

This is a link to a website that lists frequently asked questions about the diagnosis. I found it to be very helpful. http://health.ucsd.edu/specialties/epilepsy/nonepileptic/ Alright even though, I just gave you the link I wanted to talk about one of my favorite parts on that site. It is the section where it discusses the question, "Is is all just in my head?" I loved the response to this question. Basically it says that this disease is "just in my head" just like heart disease is "just in your chest" or an appendicitis is "just in your stomach". True this disease might "just be in my head" but it is a real and serious disease. Looking at it in this context has truly helped me!

The following information is from a training form I found online by Dr. Cascino from Mayo Clinic. He is one of the doctors that was on the Nuerological team I saw when I was there. I love it because it really shows that I am not alone in this disorder, a lot of people out there suffer from it as well.

"A previous study performed at Mayo Clinic Rochester indicated that a significant number of adult patients evaluated for spells, query epilepsy, are experiencing non-epileptic spells. A consecutive series of 274 patients were admitted to the inpatient epilepsy-monitoring unit between 1993 and 1997 for unprovoked and stereotypic spells. The pathophysiology underlying the clinical episodes in these individuals could not be determined based on an outpatient evaluation that included a neurological history-examination, MRI head, and routine EEG recording. Most patients referred for recurrent spells were receiving or had received antiepileptic drug therapy. The electroclinical correlation during the video-EEG monitoring was required for appropriate diagnostic classification. Fifty-five percent of patients were experiencing non-epileptic spells. Approximately 36% of patients were determined to have seizure disorders. A combination of seizures and non-epileptic spells occurred in 5.5% patients."

Anyway, just a bit of the information I found during my research...sorry if you found it too boring!

Home Sweet Home

Well, after 10 long days at Mayo Clinic I am finally home. It feels good to be back, however, my time spent at Mayo was well worth it! After 8 long years I finally have a diagnosis. I have what is called Non-Epileptic Spells. It is a disease of the sub-conscience. It is caused by some type of trauma to my sub-conscience, and is cured by cognitive therapy on the sub-conscience level which includes things such as hypnosis.

I know this sounds quite strange. It took me days to wrap my head around what all this means. The doctors at the clinic were excellent and more than willing to spend quite a bit of time explaining this diagnosis to me. At first I thought they were telling me I was crazy and that it was all in my head, but they were very adamant to point out that this is a real disease and something completely beyond my control. They said it is actually quite common but very hard to diagnose, they see a lot of it because most people end up at Mayo in order to get the correct diagnosis. In fact while I was there another lady was discharged who received the same diagnosis...her symptoms were almost identical to mine. Basically my sub-conscience is making my body sick. Doctors I spoke with said that this is a very powerful and serious disease, they have seen it cause a variety of other diseases including cancer and even death. In my case it is sending me into mini coma's.

The good news is that the doctors are very hopeful that I can fully recover from this and go on to live a happy, healthy, life. It is not going to be easy, and it's not going to happen overnight, but I can do it and I will get better. I have an appointment on Monday to talk with my insurance company to find the best person on my insurance plan that specializes in this kind of cognitive therapy.

Thank you again for all of your prayers, love, and support. I don't know if I could have made it this far without you!

Tiff

Leaving on a Jet Plane!!

"I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again"

My flight leaves at 8:30am tomorrow morning! I have an hour long layover in Chicago so I don't land in Rochester until 2:00pm. Once we get there and check into the hotel the plan is to spend the rest of the evening. On Wednesday I have to check in at the Mayo Clinic at 6:45am. I have my first test at 7:30 and then I meet the cardiology team at 10:15. It will be a busy morning!

I am pretty much a bundle of nerves today, I'm both excited and scared. Although, I am doing my best to stay positive and just trust in the Lord. It is a huge miracle I even have an appointment. I know the Lord didn't bring me this far just to fail now.

I wish I could type more, but I really need to get packin!!

Happy Halloween

Here is a Halloween poem I wrote a few years ago. I know it's pretty lame and cheesy but oh well!

Halloween Night

The ghouls and goblins are out tonight,

Visiting houses with scary sounds and spooky lights.

Withces and warlocks all havin a party,

On the doorstep of Unlce Harvey's.

Superheroes and villians too,

Mickey Mouse and Winnie the Pooh.

Fairies and clowns like the street,

All screaming out, "Trick or Treat!"

--Tiffany

"I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life." Hobbes

This is my Calvin & Hobbes quote of the day. I completely agree with it! We experience things every day that don't make much sense to our mortal minds. Actually, I don't know about you, but most of life doesn't make sense to me. Everything confuses me...such as: Why all the tv shows I want to watch are on at the exact same time?, Why I feel bonded to the stars of those shows when they pass out on live tv?, Why changes have to be made right when I really need things to stay the same?, and Why stress has to affect every aspect of your life? However, even though I don't understand it all, life really is so much easier when we can smile and laugh at it all. When we are having days that are just super rough and we don't understand why we have to go through them, if we just smile and giggle a bit the rain clouds start to disappear. I love the saying, "It's easy enough to be happy when the sun shines on the town, but the man worthwhile is the man who can smile when his pants are falling down"

Here's to hoping we all find something to smile about today...even if it's just the fact that we have absolutely nothing to smile about!

Interesting Sunday

Today was a bittersweet Sunday. I was able to make it to my wards sacrament meeting, which was a great blessing. Partaking of the sacrament at church is a lot different than when they bring it to me at my home. I loved the quiet time I was able to sit and ponder on things. I really felt the spirit along with a very cleansing, peaceful type of feeling. It was great! However, today was also a very emotional sacrament meeting for me. Today was the day my bishopric was released. When I first heard the news they were to be released I was quite sad, but soon realized it would be ok. I knew that this is the Lord's church and that if He must have a reason for making this change. I was still a little concerned how the new bishopric would work out, but again remembered whose church it is. I wanted to attend church today so that I could be there to support my departing bishopric as well as sustain the new bishopric. I hoped that if I was there and sustained them I feel the spirit testify to me that these were the right men for the job and ease all my concerns. However, this was not the case. I came home totally depressed! I bawled all through the meeting. Each member of the departing bishopric spoke and bore thier testimonies, it was tender!! Oh how I love these men!! I was doing ok, just being tenderly emotional and feeling the spirit...until...Bishop Thorpe mentioned me in his talk! At that point I lost it!! I laughed at the story he told of me, but then the flood of tears came. At that point it really hit me how much this man means to me in my life. I have never been very good at trusting men. I can honestly say there are only four men on this earth I have ever really trusted. Bishop Thorpe was one of those men. Over the three years he was my bishop I came to really rely on him for help on my dark days. Even on the days I didn't call him for advice or help, it always gave me comfort to know he was there if I needed him. Right now life is hard for me. I am going through a lot and am truthfully really struggling, however, knowing that I had a strong support group behind me was helping me get through things one day at a time. Now, one of the biggest members of that support group is gone. I know that he will always be my friend and a support for me, but it will never be the same. He will no longer have those keys of revelation for me. I feel like I have been dealt a huge blow...of all the times in my life that I have ever needed a good bishop that I trust and feel comfortable with the most crucial time is now. I did meet and shake hands with my new bishop, and I'm sure he is a great guy...but that trust factor is a difficult one for me. I'm not giving up on him yet, but with all I am going through it will be sometime before I am able to observe him and get to know him, and see if that trust comes or not. The problem is that in the meantime my struggles are not going to go away or even be put on pause. I am grateful that I will be recieving a blessing tomorrow from a good friend of mine. My prayer is that the Lord may convey some answers to me through that blessing.