Tuesday, November 9, 2010


I have been struggling all day to come up with something I am thankful for. I am in the "get worse before you get better" stage of my illness. It has not been a fun day to say the least. I feel miserable inside and out. I am going insane living in a totally dirty house, yet I have absolutely no energy to clean it. I try to avoid the kitchen at all costs because seeing all the dishes piling up in the sink makes me want to vomit. I hate having dirty dishes in the sink like that. I am also avoiding the kitchen because I haven't felt well enough to make it to the grocery store for a few weeks. I don't have many choices on things I can fix to eat and the things I do have to fix will only create more dirty dishes so I don't want to make them. It's a terrible cycle! I keep thinking that things will be better tomorrow and I'll be able to push through and get everything done, but that certain tomorrow is still yet to come and all these problems are just getting heavier and heavier with each passing day.

With all of this going on I'm just not in the mood to be thankful. I'm not thankful for the dirty dishes. I'm not thankful for the lack of food in my kitchen. I'm not thankful for the pain in my stomach. I'm not thankful for how sick I am right now. I'm not thankful for the dark clouds outside that are adding to my in a gloomy mood. So what is there to be thankful for today??

Adversity. Yep, even though on the surface I am not grateful for any of those things I am grateful for the lessons they are teaching me. I am thankful that when the day comes I do feel better I am going to appreciate it so much more. I'm going to be happy the day I feel well enough to do my own dishes. I'm going to be happy the day I can get in my car and drive to the grocery store, do my shopping, and make it home without wanting to die from the pain. I will be elated the day all these pains go away and I can do the things I want to do without having to take pain pills just to function. If I weren't sick today I would take advantage of the days that I'm healthy. I wouldn't get on my knees and thank Heavenly Father for the wonderful time I had grocery shopping or doing my dishes, because it would simply be a part of life and not something I had worked hard for.

I believe that God gives us adversity in order to help us appreciate the little things in life. It helps us to draw closer to Him and realize how important every little detail is. I don't like being sick. I don't like the suffering I have to endure on a daily basis, suffering that only God and I know about. However, I do appreciate the way it opens my eyes to things that most people don't see. I am grateful for that blessing.


. . . . . . . . said...

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger! Love you Tiff!